The Practice of Constructive Disagreement

It seems there is a lot of polarization in many of today's discussions, and it has become so easy and expeditious to characterize viewpoints as opposite extremes– this or that or always or never. It often feels like practice of constructive disagreement has been lost.

In reality, middle ground exists but often it takes more time, and certainly more effort, to reach it, and constructive or effective disagreements can help you get there in your personal and professional life.

At EvergreenHealth, as it should be with all workplaces, we uphold a respectful workplace. One of the applications of a respectful workplace is in the practice of effective disagreement. There are so many circumstances in our work or personal lives where a disagreement may arise and these issues may be big or small.

The important thing to recognize is that everyone deserves to be heard and resolutions can often be achieved through effective disagreement. Some tips to consider include:

• Avoid all or nothing statements (i.e., "There is only one way to do this.")
• Avoid personal attacks.
• Avoid broad characterizations (i.e., "You always…") based on single incidents.

Disagreement sometimes gets a bad rap. In fact, disagreement can make us better, smarter and more patient – but only if it is handled effectively, respect is maintained throughout the process and safety is ensured.

Earlier in my career, I was fortunate to take the "Crucial Conversations and Crucial Confrontations" classes, which EvergreenHealth provides to its employees. These courses involve developing practical skills, honed through role-playing exercises, to deal with difficult discussions – which often end up as disagreements. These courses taught me phrases and discussion starters that help me frame a conversation and advance toward a solution. I found the skills I learned to be very helpful in my personal and professional life.

Here are a few more helpful tips for effective disagreements:

• Arguing loudly rarely works. Can you remember any time where yelling at somebody (well, at least an adult; kids may be another story) actually changed their mind in a situation where immediate safety wasn't in question? And does telling someone who's already agitated to "calm down," really work? Not often.
• Have you ever worked with someone who could stop a charging elephant just with calm words? I'm sure we all know people with the innate gift of being able to defuse any situation. Learn from them, ask them how they do it, and what mental techniques they use to keep themselves centered.
• Very few people enjoy conflict. But next time you're faced with a disagreement, try to make it constructive.

Perhaps you or a loved on may find these tips helpful in your personal or work life, but one thing you should always keep in mind is personal safety. If a situation can't be deescalated, remove yourself from that situation and seek help.